Be Here Now

I turned 55 this year. Fifty-freaking-five. Honestly, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. The years have flown by in a blink. My baby boy is 28 now—but in my head, I still feel like that’s my age.

When I think back, I remember being a little girl on the school bus, staring at the older girls and thinking, I can’t wait until I’m in Junior High. I’ll get a bra, start my period, and finally be somebody. Then I’ll be grown-up. Then I’ll be cool.

But once Junior High came, reality hit hard. The boys noticed me, but not in the way I imagined. There was the constant ogling, the snapping of bra straps, the gross jokes and unwanted touches. Add to that the fear of Aunt Flo making a surprise appearance on my jeans, the pimples, the stares from grown men who should’ve known better—and suddenly, I was asking myself why on earth I’d been in such a hurry to get here. It was nothing to celebrate.

And yet, the “I can’t wait until…” cycle kept rolling. I can’t wait until I graduate. I can’t wait until I get married. I can’t wait until I have babies. I can’t wait until we buy a house. It’s endless, isn’t it? We spend so much time racing toward the next milestone that we miss the beauty of where we are right now.

So this year, I gave myself a different kind of gift: the gift of being present. I realized that I’ve spent far too much time looking backward at everything I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve done—or looking forward, mapping out how the future should look. And in doing that, how many blessings, how much joy, have I missed right here in the moment? The little things, like laughing until I cry with a friend, or noticing the way the sun filters through the kitchen window while I sip my coffee. The bigger things, too—watching my son build his own life, or recognizing that my body, with all its changes, is still carrying me through this world. Living in the moment doesn’t mean ignoring the past or the future—it means not letting them steal today’s joy. It means giving myself permission to breathe, to savor, and to finally be fully here.